love

In the past week I've been thinking a lot about love. Not like, married with children kind of love, but the true, genuine, heart wrenching love that a person can have for another person. The kind of love where seeing them in pain makes your heart tie in knots and the tears burst from your eyes. The kind of love where all you can do is pray and pray and pray until God becomes sick of the pleading.

Not that He ever really does become sick of it.

Last week my best friend watched one of her dearest friends pass away right in front of her eyes while the authorities did nothing to stop it. And while I barely knew the boy, seeing the pain in my best friend's eyes when I first saw her made me weep. Those eyes, normally full of excitement and adventure and joy, were now endless pits of confusion and anger and despair. Something tore within me. And it was on Wednesday night driving home from her house, crying and screaming my prayers in the car that I realized that this is what it feels like to truly love somebody. I've never felt such empathy for anyone in my life, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I would do absolutely anything to make her feel a little more peace.

And it made me think that true friendship and true love is the kind where you would be willing to lay down your life for that person. How real this love has become!

And yet, this love that I feel for my best friend--is it even comparable to the love the Christ feels for each one of us? To feel the love that I feel for more than one person, for more than 10 people, for more than 100 people...the human emotional spectrum would simply explode. But Christ feels infinitely stronger love for each and every person He has created.

It scares me to think... would I do absoultely anything for Him?




...Dios demuenstra su amor en que, en que cuando todavia, eramos pecadores, Cristo murio por nosotros...

ver-lies-zon wireless

Three and a half hours and four customer service representatives later, Verizon has failed me. They all literally told me something different. I pride myself on my patience when it comes to speaking to strangers, but this was my breaking point. And after all that, we still couldn't upgrade the phones. Yikes.

And then our wireless stopped working today so I spoke to a guy in India for a half hour.

Oh it's just been lovely.

Sometimes people are so anti-outsourcing. I don't know how I feel about it. India decided to send me a free router as an apology for waiting so long/that their product didn't work.
Verizon just gave us more crap than you could imagine.
If Verizon was based in New Delhi I bet I could get a free phone :)

I like when they say "Kindly hold while I connect you to my supervisor" in that precious accent.

Mom's going to call Verizon back tomorrow and give them a piece of her mind. If I was them, I would watch out. Mom is famous for her firebreathing skills. She always gets what she wants. It totally makes sense too. She's the one bringing home the bacon; her job requires her to make people crap in their pants if they don't do what shes says. She's all about women working, having their own apartment, and making a steady living til theyre about 28 and then they should be allowed to get married. A woman's got to be able to hold her own first. I respect that. I didn't realize how much I respect that until it hit me that without her incredibly hard work we wouldn't lead the comfortable lives we lead or have any money at all haha. No one expects their husband to become disabled, but because of her hard work she was prepared when it happened. I really do hope I follow her work ethic-- minus making people petrified haha. And she's not afraid to speak her mind, even in situations where everyone else wusses out. Like at church. I love that. No one messes with Mary Zientek.

Speaking of work ethic, I'm pretty sure I'm not even working this week haha. I'm off to a good start :)


To basking.

my hopes and dreams

It hit me today when I came home from work that I have nothing to look forward to. That sounds more depressing than I mean for it to. I mean that usually during the summer I'm always working as like, something to pass the time until school starts. But now, I'm working to pass the time until...what...? Each day that passes I think, shouldn't I be doing something more meaningful? I let every day get away. Granted, the stuff I'm doing at work really is important to the company and I'm really blessed to work in a place that truly appreciates every thing I do. But I can't help but want more.

I want to live in another country
I want to work with people
I want to live in a farm house
I want a job that makes use of my math degree
I want to go to a church where there are people my own age
I want to knit for a living
I want to live in a city
I want to live on a farm
I want to play my guitar in a park in a city
I want to play my guitar in a field overlooking a huge mountain range



I want to serve.

I hope to acheive all these things in my lifetime. I like change, but only if I've got people with me.
Now that I've said that, I'll probably be alone for awhile.


Thus is life

i need to drink more water

My dad's watching a special on TV about if transgendered people should have to wear tops. If anything, I feel like it's MORE of a reason they should.
Why is this on?


I wish I could say I'm getting into some sort of routine at home. If you call doing something crazy one day and then being lazy around the house in my pajamas the next a routine, I guess I'd be a success. I also wish I could say I'm getting a lot of hours at work. I found out today that I won't need to be out at the farm stand til JULY. And the office work that I can do won't take a month. So I really need to find a job for June. Odds of me persuing this? Low.

Yesterday I had a glimpse into the lives of old friends. I mean literally old. My grandmom, her two sisters, and her friend Margaret all went to Lancaster to see JOSEPH at the Sights & Sounds theater. Mom and I got free tickets to tag along. I was sort of dreading being in a car with them for so long, but I was amazed at how lively and hilarious they all are. They teased each other to no end, gossipped, shopped. It was honestly really cute. I can only pray that my friendships will be like that when I grow up. And hopefully my friends' sons will be police officers so that they can get us out of any speeding tickets we might nearly receive. "Excuse me sir, my son's a lieutenant" "Oh, I see, well, have a great day ladies!"

One thing I'm looking forward to this summer is Bible study with four of my cousins. I thought it could be a cool way for us to stay connected. And we're all between ages 17-22 so it's perfect. I pitched the idea and we're all trying to figure out a day for it to work.

Crazy story about it though. I saw my cousin Cheryl on Memorial Day, and she was like "Lauren, I can't believe you asked Hope to do a Bible study, because John just had a dream about one." She proceeded to tell me about how her husband had a dream that all of our family was gathered at my Aunt's house because my aunt was sick. But there was this feeling of peace among everybody because everyone was doing a Bible study together. The next day, I had told Cheryl's daughter Hope about this Bible study idea. And Cheryl tells Hope about John's dream, and Hope says "MOM! Lauren just asked us to have a cousin Bible Study". I feel like something good is going to come of this :)

Tomorrow, Cerise, Shi, & I are making the 5 hour trek across PA to visit Bethany. I need this so bad. And we're going to an Arts' Festival in Pittsburgh. I am seriously thrilled beyond belief. YESSSS.





Grandmom's friend Margaret: "when I die I don't want any men carrying my casket, just women"
Us: "what? why?"
Margaret: "if a man can't take me out when i'm alive, i don't want him taking me out when i'm dead"


woman's got sass
love it

duh DUH DUH DUH

so i went to a wedding today! my friend bryan from here in woodstown and my friend jessie from grove city. it was weird knowing the wedding parties on both sides. it was like my worlds collided, but it was really fun. i think i used to think that weddings were overrated. but this one was simple and beautiful and i was like 'hey that could be cool someday' hahah. bryan's little brother kevin says to me "wait.. you're not engaged?? didnt you go to grove city?? i heard thats the trend there". hes smart.

it really was enjoyable though. then watched the phillies pitch a perfect game and then went to the custard stand. it was just a joyous evening. i needed that.

the past couple weeks ive had this weird kink in my neck from sleeping funny. but in the past two days its gotten progressively worse to the point where i could barely get out of my bed yesterday morning. my doctors exact words upon feeling my neck : "holy crap girl! what'd you do??"

uh. i dont know.

but now i'm hopped up on steroids and muscle relaxers. i haven't been very lucid, save for this evening.

i'm playing the guitar for worship in church tomorrow. my guitar. a piano. and an organ. so old school.


pardon me while i go change the world
:)

rain rain go away

it's starting again.

just when everyone's getting along and things seem decently bearable at home, something in someone snaps and the things i hate about being here come to the surface yet again. and in a couple days they'll be things of the past. and then a couple days after that they'll reappear. a vicious cycle. i'm not quite sure what to do here. sit in this black chair and hear doors slam and voices raise and just ignorantly go about my business as if nothing is wrong. that's how it's always been. be an example, lauren. they need you, lauren. as if i know anything.

my brother didn't go running this morning. but, i, being the stubborn role model to a boy 5 years older than me, ran anyway. i listened to miley cyrus. its a great thing to listen to while running, honestly, because you want to rip your hair out while you hear her computerized voice so it makes you run faster in your fury. i think i went almost a mile without my knee giving way. i'd call that a great success.

it would be storming right now.

i went to a vbs meeting tonight at church. the songs we're doing are absurd. they're all about how we didn't come from monkeys, and not enough about God. ugh. and they're not catchy. how do i work with this?!

if you think of it, keep my boss myron in your prayers. he gets really bad vertigo and it hit him again a couple days ago. he was rushed away in an ambulance today because he couldn't lift his head without throwing up. poor guy. i need him to be up and adam. that laugh keeps me going.

what was i thinking

In an attempt to be a good, encouraging sister, I told my want-to-get-healthy brother that I would go running with him in the morning.
That means I have to go running in the morning.
Shoot.

It will probably be a sight to behold, actually. The two of us gasping for breath, legs aching, chest bursting, after less than a half mile. Good thing my new iPod has a video camera on it. I could secretly document the whole experience.

Yes, I caved and bought an iPod. I am ashamed. But I mean I guess it is kind of cool.

So the only reason I'm creating this blog is because Shi told me to. I'll do anything Shi tells me to. Unless it's something life threatening.

So, to the four of you that will ever read this, welcome :). I'll do my best to keep it updated with any random thoughts I have as I continue to figure out what the heck is next in this crazy life. I already informed everyone at my church to keep an eye out for any jobs that could be done by someone who graduated with a Bachelor's of Science degree. They're on the prowl. I am thankful.

But, for the time being, I am working at the farm, learning the ins and outs of God's gift to small business- Quickbooks. Beautiful, really.

Hopefully my "run" in the morning will not inhibit my attempts to familiarize myself with payroll.

In unrelated news, I started unpacking my stuff today. It's only been, what, 11 days of living out of my suitcase? I'm pathetic, I know. Deal with it. I also finished the book The Lovely Bones today. This was quite the accomplishment because I can't remember the last for-fun book I've actually finished. Again.. pathetic. Maybe I'll read another book this week. Maybe.